Happy Sunday, friends!
I just devoured, enjoyed the tastiest BLT sandwich of my life. I consider myself to be an intuitive cook. What I mean by that is, I don’t follow recipes, I just trust my gut and get creative in the kitchen. Anyhow, one of my favorite spots to pick up groceries is Natural Grocers. I trust the quality of their products, and love picking up new items to try. On my last trip I picked up a brand of bacon I had not tried. The label looked good, no additives and stuff that gives me headaches so I gave it a try. Turns out I made a great choice!
My husband has never been a pork eater. At first I thought it to be a bummer and wished he’d change and start eating it to satisfy my hunger for it. I grew up eating pork, and to this day it is still one of my favorite cuts of meat. For years I deprived myself of it, never giving myself permission to enjoy it as I did growing up. I started cooking turkey bacon and stuck to chicken, beef or fish as our preferred protein selection. I missed my good ole’ cuts of pork though. This Mexican girl right here grew up eating pork posole, pork tostadas, pork tamales, you name it, all of my young life. ❤
One day I decided to start cooking pork dishes for myself even if I was the only one in the family that ate them. My eldest son hopped on board and thanked me for changing things up a bit. He loves pork too! One of my favorite things to do is char-grill or roast pork chops, and eat them with green salsa and corn tortillas. Yum! Today I crisped up that bacon to perfection. Toasted up a few slices of pumpernickel bread. Spread a generous amount of tahini on the tomato side of the bread. Sliced into some vine-ripened Campari tomatoes. Washed a head of red-leaf lettuce, and put together the most delectable BLT. I paired it with bread & butter pickle slices, and voila!
I had to remind myself that it was okay to enjoy the fruits of my, and Mother Earth’s labor. So many times I feel guilty for indulging in such a feast, and forget to just give thanks. Also thankful that my husband doesn’t eat pork so there’s more for me, LOL! Ahhhhh.
Con mucho amor,
It’s June. Only 21 days till summer. Yeah! I love the summer for many reasons. June in particular has a special place in my heart. It was my dads birthday and is my anniversary month. I married my husband in 2003, so if I’m doing my math right we’ve almost been married for 16 years. A lot has changed during the course of our marriage. We had a six year old son, and all four of our parents. When we married that is. Since then we’ve been blessed with another son, and have said goodbye to three of our four parents.
I really had no sense of the roller coaster ride of married life when I entered the sacred bonds of marriage. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs. I’ve gone to bed angry many nights, at times in a rage, and some as light as a feather. I told you all I’d be keeping it real, so I am. You know that old saying, “never go to bed angry”, well that my dear friends, has not been me. I’ve gone to bed angry because I’ve been in fear. Frustrated because so much has been out of my control. It’s taken a toll on me, so here I am writing about it and sharing with all of you in hopes that if you identify with me, you don’t feel alone.
I’ve wasted precious time on comparing myself to happy couples & families only to realize we all have a purpose to fulfill in our lives. Mine is overcoming fear, and learning how to love myself and others unconditionally. This summer I plan on visiting the lake as often as I feel drawn. Packing picnics is one of my favorite things to do, so I’ll be doing that to. I’ll be trying new recipes and enjoying as much of the seasons’ bounty as I can fit. I look forward to exploring, and creating new memories. I hope you do to.
As the month of May comes to a close I am reflecting on the many blessings and challenges this month has brought into my life. Dormant inside me has lied a deep mother wound that has been nipping at my psyche for the longest time. “Deal with me now” it says, as I reach for the corn chips or chocolate to soothe my broken heart. I will admit, I am prideful. Not quick to forgive, much less forget. I feel the hurt inflicted by others to the umpteenth level. Revenge feels like the quickest solution. I must sound like a monster. I’m really not. I just feel everything deeply. Love, trust, acceptance, grief, deceit, rejection.
My mom and I have a history of being dysfunctional in our relationship. Our bond was damaged in childhood. She was lost in herself, understandably so. One day I will share more… She was a good homemaker although she worked full time as a maid outside the home. All her meals were homemade, and she kept the home tidy and sparkly clean. She had mood swings that were erratic, and violent at times. I remember feeling terrified of her. I was far from ever trusting her as a girl. I felt lost, had no one to turn to. I became rebellious, and made many poor choices as a result. Our relationship had been strained for as long as I can remember as an adult.
This month I was called to invite her to my home for a visit on Mother’s Day. She accepted after some hesitation. I believe her hesitation stemmed from our pattern of love/hate when we’re around each other for more than a day or so. She lives out-of-state so travel arrangements had to be made, and we had to agree on a reasonable length of stay. Four days it was. I cooked a salmon dinner the day she arrived as a show of my affection, and gratitude to her accepting my invitation. I’d had a yearning for deep connection, and unconditional love from my mom. My goal of this visit was just that, to deeply connect and for her to love me for who I am and for me to love her for who she is.
We had our share of memorable moments on the visit. One in particular was probably my fav… We went to the movies for the first time ever as adult women! POMS was playing and seemed fitting so that was our pick. It turned out to be a perfect fit as we each identified with the characters in some way. My mom has lived in the USA for 50 years however Spanish is still her first language. I asked her if she had understood, and enjoyed the movie. Her reply was yes and yes! I was overjoyed! I felt triumphant! Finally success in one part of our relationship. The day was magical!
The visit wasn’t perfect. We had our ups and downs. Lots of growth yet for both of us. Overall, I am grateful to have had such an opportunity to accept and forgive her. I made progress. After all, it’s all about the journey right?
Buenos dias dear friends. Thank you for joining me on this journey of self-discovery and personal growth. It’s taken a lot of courage, and I mean A LOT of courage to get here. My hope is to connect on a deep level with each of you. This is a place I have created to share the real me, parts of my life that can only be understood by the likes. I am bilingual Spanish, hence the title, “Platicas con Beatriz.” I love to talk (and listen), and can sit in conversation for hours with the right people. There is nothing better than sharing a great meal (and laughter) too! I look forward to our “platicas” (conversations).